My Person

My blog has been blank. I have not felt like writing because I have been hurting. I have felt numb. No explanation, just a blog.

On Grey's Anatomy, Christina refers to Meredith as her "person"

Christina: "She's my person. If I murdered someone, she is the person that I would call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She's my person."

Christina to Meredith: "I'm your person, I am on your side"

I had?/have? a person.
I had?/have? a person who came with "my j"
I had?/have? a person who came with two little people and then blessed me with two more.

I called her more times in a day than I could count, for silly things that were not worth calling about.
I showed up at her house elated, hysterical, angry and every emotion in between.
We could do everything and absolutely nothing in her living room.
I watched her give birth, raise, shelter, protect and shape 4 little girls into children I am proud to say I am the godmother of.
I have confided in, fought with, trusted, risked, failed, lost everything and found something new with her by my side.
I have watched her love her husband with the type of unselfish caring, adoration, stubbornness and fierceness that a man like "my j" needs to be loved with. He needs to be knocked upside the head with love.
I have watched her hold in the tears and the sobs that I knew would come as soon as I got in my car to head to the midwest while she remained the one pushing me to go.
I have been hurt, forgiven, been hurt again, found the grace of forgiveness and been hurt

What happens now?
I am numb.
I cannot feel.
Because it will all come flooding back.

So what happens now?
When I murder someone?
Who am I gonna call to help me with the corpse?

Blessed

Closeouts are a bitch
3 days of 12 hour shifts
It is even worse,
When you both work for the same company.

Tonight, Tim beat me home for work
I came through the door barely keeping my eyes open
He made me close my eyes and led me into the bathroom
A bubble bath with lit candles surrounding it
My favorite Two Bros beer

This man takes my breath away
He makes my heart skip a beat right before it melts.
He makes me believe that if you are patient
And do not settle
Or have the strength to know that something is not right
Take a chance at being alone

You just might find that the Prince Charming
White Knight or Mr. Perfect
Your dreamed about when you were little
Really does exist.

Maybe It Is Because...

Maybe it is because today was my first day back at work after he held my hand through a painful week and I am exhausted. Maybe it was because his eyes lit up last night at the thought of "camping" in our living room. I watched as he made a bed for us on the floor so we could have an "adventure" after a long week of me cooped up in the house. Maybe it is because the fire alarm was chirping when I got home and I called him all cranky and pissy because of course it was his fault. He immediately called me on my attitude, kissed me when he came in the door and then left me alone as I stomped stubbornly around the house because both of us knew he was right. Maybe it is because Valentine's Day is around the corner. Maybe it is because he ran to the store to grab a 9 volt battery for the fire alarm and on the way home called to see if I wanted my favorite "Chipotle" chips. Maybe it is because he went to Starbucks this morning and ordered my favorite drink and then wrote a lovely note on it so when I went through the line 10 min later they had it ready for me and the note wished me a "Great Day From Bubs"! Maybe it is because tonight I am weepy and need to put my thoughts on paper.

God, I'm down here on my knees
Because its the last place left to fall
Begging for another chance
If there's any chance at all
That you might still be listening
I've spent my whole life getting it all wrong
I sure could use your help because

He is out there

A wanna be a good man
A do like he should man
A man the mirror likes to see
A strong man
An admit that he was wrong, man
God I'm asking you to help me
He is out there

Is there anyway for me to make another start
Could you see what you could do
To put some love back in my heart
Because it going to take a miracle
After all I've been through to make me see
He is here

He is a statement
He is a great man
He is the kind of man that I see in my dreams
He is a man of God
He is a giving man
He loves to live and laugh

God, has made me believe
In the man that you are

I love you

amyp Photography: Photographer of Awesome People

Tim and I were lucky enough to have our pictures taken by amyp photography. Here is what she said about us on her blog. I am very touched...

http://amypphotos.blogspot.com/2010/01/megan-and-tim.html

Thanks Dad...

Music is one of my favorite things in the world. I cannot read a note of music, I have no rhythm for dance and I cannot sing, but I can FEEL music. Music moves me. Music has a way of knowing just what song I need to hear. Music finds me in my darkest times and matches my mood while at the same time giving me the dance tunes I need to shake my 'thang when I am feeling sassy.

My dad loves music too and my fondest memories are coming home from school in the afternoon and hearing music coming from the house at the bottom of our driveway. If my dad was home from work, he was listening to music. We danced, laughed and listened to it LOUD! My dad instilled a love of music for both my sister and I, but not for the notes, beat or rhythm; he made us love it for the words! I can pretty much bet that if you happen to catch any of the three of us hanging out at home, the music is on and it is LOUD! Thank you Daddy for giving Kasey and I this precious gift. Here is some lyrics from a song I found tonight:

Love Like Crazy by Lee Brice

Just ask him how he made it
He'll tell you faith and sweat
And the heart of a faithful woman
Who never let him forget to

Be your best friend
Tell the truth
And over use i love you
Go to work
Do your best
Don't out smart your common sense
Never let your praying knees get lazy
And love like crazy

Always treat your woman like a lady
Never get to old to call her baby

Be your best friend
Tell the truth
And over use i love you
Go to work
Do your best
Don't out smart your common sense
Never let your praying knees get lazy
And love like crazy

Reality TV = Divorce

It all started with Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. The idea of a reality show that invites cameras into your day to day life. The "Newlyweds" was a very cute show about a newly married couple and all of us fell in love with them. With this show came fame and money, but it also opened them up for judgment and public scrutiny.

As reality TV became popular, more and more families opened their homes to cameras. It is always interesting to me to watch these shows from their first season as they seem just like a normal family or couple, someone that I could relate to. I have watched:

Carmen and Dave (divorced)
Jon and Kate Plus 8 (divorcing)
The Kardashian's
The Bachelor and Bachelorette (Only one marriage out of 13 seasons)
Little People, Big World (couple growing apart as of the last show I watched)

After a couple of seasons you begin to see changes. All of a sudden, they have more money, probably earnings from the show. They begin to buy more extravagant things, take trips and then you begin to see changes in this once harmonious relationship.

I have had money and not love and happiness. After my divorce, I now have the love of my life and struggle financially to rebuild what I once had. I get frustrated, discouraged and always think to myself that if I just had a little more money, things would be easier and less stressful. It makes me angry to watch shows in which families are essentially given a gift of financial freedom and then what got them there in the first place, their family and love for one another is compromised.

Is it possible that you just cannot have both?
If offered a chance at financial stability would I take it if it meant that my relationship might not work out?

No, I would not.
My dream would be to "make it" together.
Build our family and finances together.