My Person

My blog has been blank. I have not felt like writing because I have been hurting. I have felt numb. No explanation, just a blog.

On Grey's Anatomy, Christina refers to Meredith as her "person"

Christina: "She's my person. If I murdered someone, she is the person that I would call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She's my person."

Christina to Meredith: "I'm your person, I am on your side"

I had?/have? a person.
I had?/have? a person who came with "my j"
I had?/have? a person who came with two little people and then blessed me with two more.

I called her more times in a day than I could count, for silly things that were not worth calling about.
I showed up at her house elated, hysterical, angry and every emotion in between.
We could do everything and absolutely nothing in her living room.
I watched her give birth, raise, shelter, protect and shape 4 little girls into children I am proud to say I am the godmother of.
I have confided in, fought with, trusted, risked, failed, lost everything and found something new with her by my side.
I have watched her love her husband with the type of unselfish caring, adoration, stubbornness and fierceness that a man like "my j" needs to be loved with. He needs to be knocked upside the head with love.
I have watched her hold in the tears and the sobs that I knew would come as soon as I got in my car to head to the midwest while she remained the one pushing me to go.
I have been hurt, forgiven, been hurt again, found the grace of forgiveness and been hurt

What happens now?
I am numb.
I cannot feel.
Because it will all come flooding back.

So what happens now?
When I murder someone?
Who am I gonna call to help me with the corpse?

Blessed

Closeouts are a bitch
3 days of 12 hour shifts
It is even worse,
When you both work for the same company.

Tonight, Tim beat me home for work
I came through the door barely keeping my eyes open
He made me close my eyes and led me into the bathroom
A bubble bath with lit candles surrounding it
My favorite Two Bros beer

This man takes my breath away
He makes my heart skip a beat right before it melts.
He makes me believe that if you are patient
And do not settle
Or have the strength to know that something is not right
Take a chance at being alone

You just might find that the Prince Charming
White Knight or Mr. Perfect
Your dreamed about when you were little
Really does exist.

Maybe It Is Because...

Maybe it is because today was my first day back at work after he held my hand through a painful week and I am exhausted. Maybe it was because his eyes lit up last night at the thought of "camping" in our living room. I watched as he made a bed for us on the floor so we could have an "adventure" after a long week of me cooped up in the house. Maybe it is because the fire alarm was chirping when I got home and I called him all cranky and pissy because of course it was his fault. He immediately called me on my attitude, kissed me when he came in the door and then left me alone as I stomped stubbornly around the house because both of us knew he was right. Maybe it is because Valentine's Day is around the corner. Maybe it is because he ran to the store to grab a 9 volt battery for the fire alarm and on the way home called to see if I wanted my favorite "Chipotle" chips. Maybe it is because he went to Starbucks this morning and ordered my favorite drink and then wrote a lovely note on it so when I went through the line 10 min later they had it ready for me and the note wished me a "Great Day From Bubs"! Maybe it is because tonight I am weepy and need to put my thoughts on paper.

God, I'm down here on my knees
Because its the last place left to fall
Begging for another chance
If there's any chance at all
That you might still be listening
I've spent my whole life getting it all wrong
I sure could use your help because

He is out there

A wanna be a good man
A do like he should man
A man the mirror likes to see
A strong man
An admit that he was wrong, man
God I'm asking you to help me
He is out there

Is there anyway for me to make another start
Could you see what you could do
To put some love back in my heart
Because it going to take a miracle
After all I've been through to make me see
He is here

He is a statement
He is a great man
He is the kind of man that I see in my dreams
He is a man of God
He is a giving man
He loves to live and laugh

God, has made me believe
In the man that you are

I love you

amyp Photography: Photographer of Awesome People

Tim and I were lucky enough to have our pictures taken by amyp photography. Here is what she said about us on her blog. I am very touched...

http://amypphotos.blogspot.com/2010/01/megan-and-tim.html

Thanks Dad...

Music is one of my favorite things in the world. I cannot read a note of music, I have no rhythm for dance and I cannot sing, but I can FEEL music. Music moves me. Music has a way of knowing just what song I need to hear. Music finds me in my darkest times and matches my mood while at the same time giving me the dance tunes I need to shake my 'thang when I am feeling sassy.

My dad loves music too and my fondest memories are coming home from school in the afternoon and hearing music coming from the house at the bottom of our driveway. If my dad was home from work, he was listening to music. We danced, laughed and listened to it LOUD! My dad instilled a love of music for both my sister and I, but not for the notes, beat or rhythm; he made us love it for the words! I can pretty much bet that if you happen to catch any of the three of us hanging out at home, the music is on and it is LOUD! Thank you Daddy for giving Kasey and I this precious gift. Here is some lyrics from a song I found tonight:

Love Like Crazy by Lee Brice

Just ask him how he made it
He'll tell you faith and sweat
And the heart of a faithful woman
Who never let him forget to

Be your best friend
Tell the truth
And over use i love you
Go to work
Do your best
Don't out smart your common sense
Never let your praying knees get lazy
And love like crazy

Always treat your woman like a lady
Never get to old to call her baby

Be your best friend
Tell the truth
And over use i love you
Go to work
Do your best
Don't out smart your common sense
Never let your praying knees get lazy
And love like crazy

Reality TV = Divorce

It all started with Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. The idea of a reality show that invites cameras into your day to day life. The "Newlyweds" was a very cute show about a newly married couple and all of us fell in love with them. With this show came fame and money, but it also opened them up for judgment and public scrutiny.

As reality TV became popular, more and more families opened their homes to cameras. It is always interesting to me to watch these shows from their first season as they seem just like a normal family or couple, someone that I could relate to. I have watched:

Carmen and Dave (divorced)
Jon and Kate Plus 8 (divorcing)
The Kardashian's
The Bachelor and Bachelorette (Only one marriage out of 13 seasons)
Little People, Big World (couple growing apart as of the last show I watched)

After a couple of seasons you begin to see changes. All of a sudden, they have more money, probably earnings from the show. They begin to buy more extravagant things, take trips and then you begin to see changes in this once harmonious relationship.

I have had money and not love and happiness. After my divorce, I now have the love of my life and struggle financially to rebuild what I once had. I get frustrated, discouraged and always think to myself that if I just had a little more money, things would be easier and less stressful. It makes me angry to watch shows in which families are essentially given a gift of financial freedom and then what got them there in the first place, their family and love for one another is compromised.

Is it possible that you just cannot have both?
If offered a chance at financial stability would I take it if it meant that my relationship might not work out?

No, I would not.
My dream would be to "make it" together.
Build our family and finances together.

We Can Do It And I Am Gonna Figure Out How!

So I thought that the day after Christmas, I would write a very fluffy piece about the importance of family and the ones that you love but... NOPE!

Ladies! I am pissed off!

Tiger Woods has over 14 women that have come forward with pretty substantial evidence that he did indeed cheat on his wife. He then released the following two statements:

"I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

"After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person."

Chris Brown beat the crap out of Rhianna and issued the following statement (this is my blog, and I am not going to use "pc" verbiage) :

"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person."

Charlie Sheen was arrested on Christmas Day for a domestic dispute with his wife that resulted in her calling the police. His lawyer released the following statement:

"I think at the end of the day it will be much ado about nothing," he told the Associated Press. "I don't think there's any criminality about what went on. The February court date may be to determine whether a case goes forward or not."

Much ado about nothing?
I think it is safe to say that this, "much ado about nothing" is not how Charlie's wife Brooke felt when she placed the 911 call or how she will feel knowing that the father or her 8 month old twins Max and Bob was in the "slammer" for "Babies' First Christmas!

LADIES! We have got to do something! We have a voice and we need to stand up for ourselves. We deserve more than this! What can we do as a gender to band together and let people know that this kind of behavior by men in the public eye is indeed wrong and frowned upon. When a person commits a crime such as murder, rape or burglary they are tried and judged by a jury of their peers. It is documented and becomes public record. Why are things such as domestic abuse and infidelity accepted just because someone can play a sport, sing or act!

LADIES? What can we do to make this NOT ok? Should we stop purchasing music written by Chris Brown, refuse to play golf or invest in any of NIKE's women golf line or stop watching Two and 1/2 Men on CBS? Would anyone care? Of course they would if there were enough of us in number!

At some point in history women became upset because they were not allowed to vote. In 1776, Abigail Adams wrote to her husband John, to "remember the ladies" when writing the Declaration of Independence. He responded with humor and the Declaration's wording specifies that "all men are created equal". It was not until August 26, 1920 that women were allowed to vote. It did not happen overnight. It took over 144 years of gathering together for one cause. Many entrepreneurial women who created groups, clubs, meetings, luncheons and parties (lets face it, we get a ton done when entertaining is involved!)!

We can do this! We can let young women, our daughters and granddaughters know that the standard that has been set so far is not RIGHT or OK! We need to change how society views the following transgressions:

Domestic Violence
Abuse both emotional and physical
Infidelity

LADIES...WOMEN...GIRLS
We need to find our voice on these issues. We have a ton of organizations that promote the education of the above issues but where are the group of women who just can't stand the fact that anything about those issues are accepted by modern society. We have websites, facebook, myspace and a ton of other media outlets that will allow us to get the word out! So, I'm pretty sure that we can set our sites on anything less than 144 years!

I want to end this blog with the statement issued by Jenny Sanford, the wife of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford who had an affair with his mistress in Argentina. Jenny protected his position in office and the dignity of their sons and the love they once had until all was revealed by the press. Here is her statement:

"I would like to start by saying I love my husband and I believe I have put forth every effort possible to be the best wife I can be during our almost twenty years of marriage. As well, for the last fifteen years my husband has been fully engaged in public service to the citizens and taxpayers of this state and I have faithfully supported him in those efforts to the best of my ability. I have been and remain proud of his accomplishments and his service to this state.

I personally believe that the greatest legacy I will leave behind in this world is not the job I held on Wall Street, or the campaigns I managed for Mark, or the work I have done as First Lady or even the philanthropic activities in which I have been routinely engaged. Instead, the greatest legacy I will leave in this world is the character of the children I, or we, leave behind. It is for that reason that I deeply regret the recent actions of my husband Mark, and their potential damage to our children.

I believe wholeheartedly in the sanctity, dignity and importance of the institution of marriage. I believe that has been consistently reflected in my actions. When I found out about my husband's infidelity I worked immediately to first seek reconciliation through forgiveness, and then to work diligently to repair our marriage. We reached a point where I felt it was important to look my sons in the eyes and maintain my dignity, self-respect, and my basic sense of right and wrong. I therefore asked my husband to leave two weeks ago.

This trial separation was agreed to with the goal of ultimately strengthening our marriage. During this short separation it was agreed that Mark would not contact us. I kept this separation quiet out of respect of his public office and reputation, and in hopes of keeping our children from just this type of public exposure. Because of this separation, I did not know where he was in the past week.

I believe enduring love is primarily a commitment and an act of will, and for a marriage to be successful, that commitment must be reciprocal. I believe Mark has earned a chance to resurrect our marriage.

Psalm 127 states that sons are a gift from the Lord and children a reward from Him. I will continue to pour my energy into raising our sons to be honorable young men. I remain willing to forgive Mark completely for his indiscretions and to welcome him back, in time, if he continues to work toward reconciliation with a true spirit of humility and repentance.

This is a very painful time for us and I would humbly request now that members of the media respect the privacy of my boys and me as we struggle together to continue on with our lives and as I seek the wisdom of Solomon, the strength and patience of Job and the grace of God in helping to heal my family."

Cheers to you Jenny and may I suggest that you call Charlie Sheen and give him some pointers on the well rehearsed speech I am sure he will issue in the next few days.

Schmuck!