A Deep Breath

Sometimes the paths that we so carefully map out for ourselves is not the path that we are supposed to take.

I am a first born child who had forever done everything by the book. I graduated from high school with good grades qualifying me for an academic scholarship to my local state college in Oregon. I studied business and fell in love with my first serious boyfriend my sophomore year. I graduated in four years with a business and entrepreneurial degree. I began my career and eagerly awaited a marriage proposal which came three months after my june commencement. I said "yes" and we began carefully planning our life. One year engagement followed by a gorgeous wedding and me in my beautiful white dress.

We signed the loan papers for our first home on our 1 year anniversary. We made smart investments, we had the home, the investment property and the boat. We built a life in a small Oregon community. We were "that couple". We were constantly one step ahead of ourselves planning for our future. Next we are going to do this, next year we will do this, our 5 year plan is this.

Then it happened... We had looked so far into the future that we forgot about today, now, this moment. He changed and I changed. We divorced.

There it was, my first failure. I had failed at my marriage.Who was "Megan"? The only person that I knew how to be was part of a couple. All of a sudden my life was upside down...
And then it was in fast forward

I purchased a business for $2.00. A salon in my small town. I took something that was neglected and yet had such potential. I invested in this crazy notion which was ridiculous because at the time I was a fashion victim with horrible hair and even less fashion sense. Tease Boutique and Salon was born. As out of my element as I was, I had found a project to keep my mind off of the things that were going on in my life. Working on this numbed me and kept me moving very fast. Moving fast was the only way to survive because when you stop... then you feel... and then... you think.

Anyone who works in a spa or salon will tell you that it is pure drama or"spama". These women are loud and crazy! They are beautiful and confident and they will tell you just what they think. They are always up for trying new things and they are constantly evolving. They are catty, outrageous and overall hysterical. They had my back when I needed it the most and they slowly began peeling away the layers of the "married" person that I had begun. Slowly "Megan" began to peek through. Within four months one salon location quickly became three as we partnered with another successful company.

And I kept moving fast....
My best friend and I finally launched Loyaltee, a women's athletic apparel company. This company was my heart, soul and passion all wrapped into one. All of my designs required me to find this creative, ambitious and soulful side of myself. We went on quite the ride. We were very successful in a very QUICK amount of time. We were featured in magazines, newspapers, radio and TV. Then in a blink of an eye and a few very desperate months. It was gone.

The economy had slumped and both of my very new companies began to feel the effects. We were at the point where a business loan would have been needed to sustain such forward growth and motion because all personal funds had been tapped out and depleted. In one year I had felt failure, success and then rock bottom.

There it was my second failure only squared. Two businesses. Successful in their own right but unable to withstand the test of the economy. I was broken and desperate to keep moving fast and forward.

I began to feel the walls of my small community closing in on me. There was too many people talking in my ear. I was having a hard time finding myself and listening to my heart with so much white noise in my life.

I needed something different. I sold my pride and joy. A 1967 mustang that I had restored with my best friend. I built her with my own hands and she will forever be special to me. She was my first sign of independence in my marriage and the only thing I requested in the divorce. Driving that car with the windows down on a sunny Oregon day will always be my "happy place". She was my freedom and selling her would be my ticket to my new life adventure. I obtained a job in Chicago. The only possessions I brought with me was what I could pack in my VW jetta. I set out on my drive from Oregon to Illinois. 2100 miles, just me, my GPS and my ipod. I thought a ton.. about all kinds of things. I cried... I laughed... I sang at the top of my lungs.

But, for the first time, it was quiet. I was forced to sit still for 2100 miles. Life in fast forward was not an option. Because no matter how hard I tried, getting to Chicago was going to take as long as it was going to take.

I have now lived in Chicago for a year.
I have been homesick, I have missed loved ones and I have experienced a Midwest winter (Brrrrr).
I have discovered myself. When it is quiet, when the only thing that I hear is my heart. I am taking things slow because when I rush and live in fast forward, I forget to breathe.

I have fallen in love with a man who makes me believe that knights in shining armor and prince charmings really do exist. He is my biggest fan and best friend. He makes me feel beautiful because when he looks at me I see my true reflection in his eyes. His eyes light up when he sees me and my heart skips a beat in response.

I have fallen in love with myself. I have failed. One marriage, two businesses and I am in a huge amount of debt because of those risks. But, through it all I have learned... I have had the courage to live and I have had the strength to get back up when I was knocked down.

So don't worry so much about the future or planning. Just have the courage to live. I spent so much time looking forward that I forgot to actually see. To live in the "moment". To take the time to just sit still and listen. To experience the "now".

Because right now. I'm happy in the moment.